Condemning other people, we are harmful not only to them, but also to ourselves. How to learn not to give negative assessments when you can do without them? 7 steps to get rid of this bad habit.
We all sometimes make negative judgments. A cruel voice in her head says: “She has such an ugly haircut”, “What a terrible dress of this actress”, “Here’s a bitch”, “It seems that they are unhappy together”. This voice forces to express a negative opinion on topics that you know little about, to leave ugly comments under posts on blogs and Instagram (an extremist organization banned in Russia), to condemn the actions of a girlfriend without listening to her point of view, and to dissolve gossip behind other people.
Of course, it is impossible not to take out assessments at all. You need to be able to distinguish good from bad and feel strong enough to fight for good when something wrong happens. We need to know that we love and do not love, and what values are important. There is a border beyond which judgment turns into condemnation. If the first contributes to positive changes, then the second carries excess criticism that does not help, but harms.
Why is it harmful to condemn?
Condemnation entail negative consequences. They interfere with solving problems, touch the feelings of other people, and also harm self -esteem and prevent happiness. We tell the teenage daughter that the evil comments that other girls release are arising from envy and uncertainty. But we do not notice that sometimes we behave like evil girls. And this is also due to our uncertainty.
When we make useless harmful comments, it only exacerbates the available problems. In the end, we begin to condemn people so often that it becomes difficult for us to feel gratitude. Depriving us of this feeling, the habit of condemning undermines our happiness and prosperity. Studies show that the condemnation of other people negatively affects self -esteem. If we criticize others, we criticize ourselves, even more cruel. If we accept and value good in other people, this helps to accept and value the good in ourselves.
How to stop condemning?
To stop making negative, harmful judgments, you need to learn how to recognize the difference between ordinary opinions and condemnation, and then develop a less condemning view of the world. The following seven steps will help you with this:
1. Find out the person you condemn
Assessing the actions of another person, you need to understand his worldview and the history of the past. If you condemn a person on the basis of values, think about whether these values are absolute or relative. If the actions of another person go against your values, this does not mean that they are wrong. Perhaps this person has other values that force him to commit such actions.
2. Think about the consequences
If you realize that your comment can offend another person, think about how to reformulate him. It is necessary that he becomes useful, and not only help you assert yourself at his expense. It is worth thinking about the consequences of judgments that we express on social networks. It’s one thing to write a post about a terrible celebrity dress, and another is to attract public attention to a cruel or unjust act. Both reflects your opinion. But in the first case, you encourage the development of the cruel society of “evil girls”, and in the second you
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change the opinion of people, which can lead to positive changes in society.
3. Focus on a specific situation
Studies show that condemnation often emphasizes certain features of the human person, instead of focusing on a specific situation. For example, if someone cuts you on the road, you might think that this person is selfish, rude and inattentive. But if you discard the human factor, we will be able to focus on a specific situation and understand the likely causes of this behavior. Perhaps he was in a hurry or missed his turn. In other words, evaluate the situation and condemn the sin itself, not a sinner.
4. Practice gratitude regularly
We can train our brain to be happy with the help of positive thinking and gratitude. This is our key to understanding and developing a positive worldview. You can introduce in your life the practice of gratitude on the schedule in the same way as conscious meditation. But sometimes it’s enough to pay attention to a wonderful sunset on the way home or evaluate the small acts of kindness that relatives and friends make for you. You can record three things for which you are grateful every evening, send people unexpected notes with words of gratitude or learn to notice the beautiful in everyday life. Instead of dissolving evil gossip, you will begin to find ways to help others. Instead of bad, you will begin to see good people in people.